Extraterrestrial Forensic Portrait Catalogue

Good Afternoon!

It’s been a long holiday weekend here and so I’ve held off on posting to allow some of the stress to wash away and process my thoughts. It seems everyone has so much stress this time of year and I am definitely not immune.

This past week I visited my parents (Dad and Stepmom) and it was nice to see them but overall a difficult visit. Joking criticisms got to me more than I’d like to admit and I’m slightly ashamed that I overreacted to a couple of instances that I might normally have let slide. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been severely struggling with an eating disorder and although I’d prefer people not mention the noticeable changes to my physique my parents both took the opportunity to tell me I look great in reference to my extreme uncontrolled weight loss versus recognizing the severe mental health struggles that are surrounding it and how hard I’ve been working to overcome trauma and better my mental state.

As a woman, I feel like a lot of my value to people is decided by my appearance. I’ve found this to be the case in multiple careers (and everyday situations) and struggle with trying to distinguish myself as valuable based on my skills and achievements versus my physical presentation. (I recently completed my degree and that was not even mentioned by my parents and instead they focused in on the one thing that I am most insecure and struggling with.) I’m sure this is not a specifically gendered experience but I can only speak from my own although I’d love to hear other’s experiences and offer whatever support they may need.

I was extremely comfortable in my fatter body and had no problem with how I looked other than the way people would speak with and interact with me. At this point, I feel very discouraged about myself as I currently appear. I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I’m going to continue working towards better mental stability and sharing my experiences working through this so that others will know they aren’t alone.

That was a heavy post and I do have more to say but I think that’s where I’ll stop with it today. I hate to end with no positive notes so know that despite everything I have a lot of hope. I’m thankful for my family and friends and even though we will all have moments that are accidentally hurtful I know that we love each other and that is way more positively overwhelming than misspoken words. If anything, it’s going to help me to work through this more and sharing with others to encourage empathy is very important to me personally.

Stay curious and lots of love to you all during this most stressful time of the year!