Extraterrestrial Forensic Portrait Catalogue

A blog documenting my journey through life and the search for connection through human experience.

recent posts

    • Morning Thoughts – Nothing special

      Good Morning!

      Life has been fairly uninteresting this past week. I did some more work on my car and got a working coolant thermostat installed thanks to my boyfriend. Of course it snowed the day we were initially going to do it so had to postpone to the next day and it was so cold! I’m just thankful he agreed to help with it because being overdue for my inspection and knowing I’ll still have to wait a bit to see if the check engine light comes on has been super stressful. Hopefully after a few days of driving I’ll be able to take it in for the inspection and that’ll be out of the way.

      The next big challenge is we’re getting an exterminator to come deal with a pest problem that’s been ongoing since we moved in. We finally got enough spare money to pay for it but we’ll have to have the cats out of the house for a few hours multiple weeks in a row and that is a big challenge when we don’t have anyone with a space to take them to. In addition we’ll be having to move a bunch of stuff around and it’s the holiday season so just a lot to deal with. I just can’t wait until all of this largely inconvenient and expensive stuff is all taken care of. Unfortunately I know it’s just the way life goes and there will always be another big thing.

      On a better note, I’m pretty excited, today I’ll likely be starting a really cool large floral tattoo for one of my coworkers. It’s always fun tattooing a friend who will let you have pretty full artistic freedom. I drew up the design a few months ago so it’s been on the back burner awhile. The design is a large psychedelic color inspired chrysanthemum with neon light leaves. It’s the kind of tattoo I’d love to focus on more but we don’t have the market in the area for that style. I am thankful that I do have a lot of clients come through for pieces where I can have some artistic freedom but I don’t mind at all that a lot of what I do is just whatever trend is current. It’s fun to see what people are inspired by and learn about how they relate to the tattoos they are getting.

      I suppose that’s about all I’ve got for today. Stay curious!

    • Morning Thoughts – Back in the Swing of Things

      Good Morning!

      It’s a cold and rainy day here and they had initially forecast some wintry mix but that didn’t happen. Yesterday was my first day back at work after an extended break (Thanksgiving family visit and car repairs) and it was so nice to get back to tattooing although I only tattooed one of my regulars. I know I shouldn’t play favorites but she is absolutely wonderful and has been coming to me for around 8 years so I’d definitely consider her a friend. It’s nice coming back to someone so caring and who gives me a ton of creative freedom.

      My car is still out of commission for awhile until I can finish the coolant system repairs. Fingers crossed we’ll manage to get it done early this coming week. Lucky for me I live with two of my coworkers and we carpool. I’m very thankful for their willingness to help me out during things like this and they are letting me drive their car to take my son to school in the mornings. I’m a fairly hesitant/nervous driver so it’s been interesting driving a car that isn’t mine. I am super proud of myself for not panicking through this whole car situation but I can say the support of my friends and boyfriend is really giving me the reassurance that it will all work out so I’m not reaching that extreme overwhelm I might usually.

      With everything going on lately I haven’t been able to find time to focus on my extraterrestrial forensic portrait project too much. It is the main reason that I created this blog although I’ve found infinite personal value in being able to share a bit of my daily life and get some writing in on a regular basis. Once the new year rolls around I will likely try to begin a more in depth search for those that would like to participate although I will surely continue my personal blog posts so that people can have a glimpse of who is running the project but also some insight into another human’s experience in the world.

      In July of next year I’ll be vending at a cryptid convention; selling paintings and promoting both my tattoos and the EFP project. Hopefully that will spark some interest in what I’m wanting to do with this and it felt like a great spot to get my name out there as a paranormal researcher/artist.

      Although I have a small instagram to share my personal artwork I’m considering sharing some here as well. I do a lot of monster and creepy pieces, but also a lot of atmospheric scenery and abstract repeating patterns that hold some meaning although I may not always know the exact words to express what I’m showing visually. Beginning to write regularly, in addition to therapy, is really helping me bring words to thoughts, emotions, and experiences that I previously couldn’t begin to verbally express but the process of creating visual art will likely always hold more than I have words for.

      I think at some point, closer to the end of the year, I’ll put together some personal and EFP project goals for the coming year. I’ve never really subscribed to the idea of new year’s resolutions but I’ve always enjoyed a list of goals and being able to check things off.

      Stay curious!

    • Afternoon Thoughts – Family vs. Self

      Good Afternoon!

      It’s been a long holiday weekend here and so I’ve held off on posting to allow some of the stress to wash away and process my thoughts. It seems everyone has so much stress this time of year and I am definitely not immune.

      This past week I visited my parents (Dad and Stepmom) and it was nice to see them but overall a difficult visit. Joking criticisms got to me more than I’d like to admit and I’m slightly ashamed that I overreacted to a couple of instances that I might normally have let slide. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been severely struggling with an eating disorder and although I’d prefer people not mention the noticeable changes to my physique my parents both took the opportunity to tell me I look great in reference to my extreme uncontrolled weight loss versus recognizing the severe mental health struggles that are surrounding it and how hard I’ve been working to overcome trauma and better my mental state.

      As a woman, I feel like a lot of my value to people is decided by my appearance. I’ve found this to be the case in multiple careers (and everyday situations) and struggle with trying to distinguish myself as valuable based on my skills and achievements versus my physical presentation. (I recently completed my degree and that was not even mentioned by my parents and instead they focused in on the one thing that I am most insecure and struggling with.) I’m sure this is not a specifically gendered experience but I can only speak from my own although I’d love to hear other’s experiences and offer whatever support they may need.

      I was extremely comfortable in my fatter body and had no problem with how I looked other than the way people would speak with and interact with me. At this point, I feel very discouraged about myself as I currently appear. I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I’m going to continue working towards better mental stability and sharing my experiences working through this so that others will know they aren’t alone.

      That was a heavy post and I do have more to say but I think that’s where I’ll stop with it today. I hate to end with no positive notes so know that despite everything I have a lot of hope. I’m thankful for my family and friends and even though we will all have moments that are accidentally hurtful I know that we love each other and that is way more positively overwhelming than misspoken words. If anything, it’s going to help me to work through this more and sharing with others to encourage empathy is very important to me personally.

      Stay curious and lots of love to you all during this most stressful time of the year!

    • Just a few – Morning Thoughts

      Good Morning!

      Today I’m writing from my parent’s home as I went to visit and cook for them for the Thanksgiving holiday. I enjoyed the actual cooking part and like spending time with them but it can be a bit overwhelming.

      Today I’m going to take a little time to get out and do some holiday gift shopping through the local thrift scene while my Dad watches golf. There’s a couple interesting spots out here, particularly a resale center where a lot of different local people sell a variety of cool stuff. Last time I bought myself a vintage floral piggy bank. I used to run a flea market booth with my Mom when I was little and I’d see them there sometimes and always wanted one but never got one back then.

      I’ve been feeling a little lost lately and I’m thinking it might be time for me to work on finding a bit more direction again. Not too long ago I graduated a religious based PhD program. It was a fantastic experience and I was able to do it on my own time and at whatever speed I could make work for myself. I’m thinking I would like to continue taking classes in something else that will help me gear my thinking towards more productive means.

      Although I don’t have the financial means to go to a traditional college (or pay back loans in the future) I may pursue another philosophy degree or take some free courses offered through the larger universities to see if anything sparks a fire with me. If anyone has some suggestions, please let me know! I’m always wanting to learn more and am not particularly inclined to say no to any form of learning.

      Stay curious!

    • A Busy Morning with Even Busier Thoughts

      Busy, busy, busy morning so far! This time of year it feels like there is always so much more to do than the rest and I can never catch up with everything.

      This afternoon I’ll be spending some time replacing the coolant thermostat on my car. It’s an older model and I’m thankful that I can usually do most repair work myself or with some help. It’s a little extra stressful because the inspection is due by the end of the month and I’m just now able to get to the repair. Fingers crossed it will be the final issue that would block a pass on that. Then there’s getting the money together for the vehicle tax but I’ll just have to figure that out after Thanksgiving.

      On that note, I’ll be going to visit my parents and I’m very much looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them in about a year and my Dad had multiple health scares and surgeries this year but is finally feeling better and up for an extended visit. It’ll be worth the financial strain of missing work to go and spend time with them.

      I’m excited to be fully in charge of cooking for them this time around. They both don’t cook very often anymore and I want to treat them to a really nice meal with leftovers that will be good for awhile. I really enjoy cooking and feeding others so take every opportunity to do so. I’ve been a pescatarian for 27 years now (wow, I’m old) but Ive gotten really good at cooking meats for everyone else. I enjoy the process and looking at it from a more scientific viewpoint really helps me to get it right every time.

      I do have multiple eating disorders which can make feeding myself difficult. I had a number of years where they weren’t so overwhelming but in the past year they’ve come back with a vengeance and it’s been a big struggle that I’m slowly working through with the support of my friends and therapist. The biggest struggle at this point is getting enough nutrients from the food that I do eat. I’ve always preferred vegetables (especially fresh) over any other foods so that really doesn’t provide enough proteins and such to sustain me without supplementing in other things.

      As a practically middle-aged woman I really didn’t expect this to hit me so hard and it’s been extremely difficult when others are always complimenting my weight loss and not knowing that it was fully unintentional and detrimental to my physical and mental health. I have always been very confident in my body image at a variety of sizes over the years but with this onset of disordered eating and the outside views of others I’ve become more uncomfortable despite appearing healthy and fitting more-so into what is pushed as more appealing by society. It’s a complicated issue and I’m sure there are so many people out there going through similar struggles.

      It has been a bit difficult for me to find support from others who struggle with these issues as the motivations behind mine are not the standard body image based struggles, but more so exclusively food that I have to intake and the processes that are problematic for me. I want to be very clear that none of these are invalid struggles and we should all be here for each other but it’s hard to not have some comradery from someone with the same views versus just the same diagnosis. I hope that makes sense.

      Anyways, I am still working on this and I like to be very transparent about it so that others know this is something that many people go through and take that into consideration when commenting on physical changes. There’s not only one way of addressing it and there’s not only one source of causation. Your struggles are just as valid as mine!

      Stay curious!

    • Morning Thoughts – Grief & Remembering

      Good Morning!

      After yesterday’s post I felt pretty good to have talked about someone who I deeply miss and the rest of the day was fantastic. I did some really cool tattoos on some awesome people and I very much enjoyed talking with them and learning about their lives. But, once i went to sleep I ended up having some pretty tough dreams and it made me realize just how much I am still grieving my friend even after a few years.

      This morning I feel like I could use a good cry and some painting time but as a responsible adult I have to get going to work shortly. Thankfully my job is creative and I can learn about someone new today and the life they’re living. I’ll be starting a beautiful large-scale, full color floral piece today so that’s something to look forward to.

      I am sad but happy to have that sadness because it’s based on such a level of connection that I didn’t think I would find in my lifetime. When I have a chance soon I’m definitely going to start a painting to assess my feelings about this. As I’ve grown older I’ve realized my approach to embracing grief has really changed from when I was younger. Now I almost look forward to it because it brings me back to those moments with the people I’ve loved that I won’t be seeing again. There’s some level of stability to it that I think I need to further analyze. I’m not sure exactly how to put it into words at this time.

      There are so many people that I miss and moments that I wish I could experience first-hand (not from memory) again. I’m thankful that I’m able to remember and celebrate those times with them through my artwork.

      Stay curious!

    • Morning Thoughts – Remembering Connection

      Good Morning!

      This morning I’m not having any strong feelings about what to write about so I’ll have to just see where this goes.

      I read a couple of blog posts this morning talking about trying to find connections with others and all the struggles of it even now with pretty constant access to so many people. I think that’s part of why I’m here blogging and sharing some of my thoughts every so often. (And hopefully, eventually finding people who will want to contribute to my larger project.)

      I always have a better time communicating one on one with people in person than any other format. I’ve been really working on myself through therapy and introspection to be able to assert myself in interactions and not feel the need to stifle my opinions and emotions for fear of negative confrontation. I know there are a lot of reasons why I do this, and I’m sure many of you have also experienced it.

      I think as a society we like to say that we don’t care what others think of us but it’s very clear we do if you take a look at the plethora of social media platforms.

      A few years ago, for a couple years, I spent every Monday with a very close friend just living in the moment creating art and enjoying talking about all of the things we were passionate about. It was so nice to have someone to connect with in a non-performative way. We just let ourselves be, and create, and experience in that space. We drank wine, created collaborative artwork, talked about art movements, listened to so much music, and shared our favorite books/movies with each other.

      There wasn’t a fear of judgement and I felt fully comfortable to the point that a disagreement didn’t feel like falling down a well. We were overall welcoming to our differences and I realized connection was more than being an exact reflection of one another. For me, it was experiencing the things that made life meaningful for another person living in this same difficult world. It was knowing that they had the same kinds of strong emotions as I did even if it was about a different type of art or music, etc.

      I think back to them often and hope they’re happy and weird and free.

      Stay curious!

    • Morning Thoughts – Tech & Tattoos

      Good Morning!

      Yesterday I got the back of my thigh tattooed by an old friend from the shop where I apprenticed 10 years ago. Whew! That was a tough spot! (The tattoo and the old shop, haha.) I’ve reached the point where most of the locations that I have left to get tattooed are difficult ones and I’d saved the backs of my thighs for a couple of larger projects.

      It was really nice catching up and shooting the shit about how wild it was at the old shop. So many crazy things were always happening and I had what most would have considered a fairly traditional apprenticeship full of hazing and excessive free work hours. Nowadays it’s becoming more and more rare for apprenticeships at decent shops to look like mine did and I’m okay with that. At times, it does seem like not having to prove yourself through every moment of your apprenticeship is letting people get into the industry that aren’t ready for the workload and don’t have the same drive to tattoo that was required then.

      Although I don’t agree with that style of apprenticeship overall, it did toughen me up a bit especially going from a 10 year corporate job into the world of tattooing. I’m not ashamed to admit I spent many hours crying in the bathroom of that shop but always came back out and went right back to work.

      It’s interesting how much the tattooing industry has changed even in just the 10 years I’ve been a part of it. There’s a lot of good with some bad mixed in there too. I think social media has really brought tattooing more into the mainstream but also put expectations on artists to perform and entertain possible clients; which is a lot in addition to doing good tattoos. Also, the prevalence of AI has created unrealistic expectations in a lot of clients who can’t tell the difference between it and actual tattoos as well as what is possible to tattoo for longevity. To counter this, I make a lot of flash designs so that there’s clear access to what is possible from me for my clients to see in advance.

      I think the biggest positive change in the technological side of the industry is the iPad paired with procreate. It’s rare to come across an artist that doesn’t use it for convenience and whittling down supplies usage. When I started we did everything on paper, had this giant copy machine, and so many pencils/pens/papers everywhere. When I’d draw something up for my mentor and he didn’t like it I’d have to start completely over while on an iPad you can create as many layers for changes as you want. The convenience for travel is amazing as well. I love that I can sit in my own bed at the end of a long day and finish up a design versus being stuck at a drafting table hours into the night.

      I do get the complaints that it’s not the same as paper and blah, blah, blah; but in the end, most artists still spend time drawing and painting in traditional mediums but are able to prioritize that for projects that really inspire their own artistic ideas.

      How has technology, social media, and the integration of AI affected your career?

      Stay curious!

    • Morning Thoughts

      Good Morning!

      I’ve been slacking on allowing myself time to write this week. It’s a difficult time of the year for everyone so I’m allowing myself a little leeway in my extra endeavors.

      This morning we got notice of our rented home inspection and I’m excited we just get to do it ourselves versus them sending in someone from outside. I really hope that someday I can own my small home and not have to provide proof of the standards I keep my household in. Also, as an artist and eccentric, I’d love the possibility of being able to customize more. Painting murals and having a permanent garden area would be amazing!

      Unfortunately everyday life expenses don’t indicate that it is a possibility in the future. Even now, to rent a home I live with another family and we split everything and still barely scrape by. We previously lived in separate apartments in the same neighborhood and rent had raised so much it was less expensive for us to just merge into one household. (What started at around $700 a month including some utilities went to nearly $1300 with no utilities over the course of 6 or 7 years.) I know this and worse is the case for so many others so I’m not complaining so much as accepting that this is the reality of the situation.

      I do love our home though. It’s a small, older, single story home with a kitchen separating the two sides so we can have our own personal spaces connected in the middle. The kitchen is a lovely meeting point were we put up artwork I’ve made for all of us in relation to silly antics around our household. We are always cooking and sharing meals and having a chosen family to live with has been fantastic the past few years.

      Coming into a more communal living situation was scary at first because of all of the what ifs but it’s been surprisingly easy to adapt to as long as we communicate well. We’re very different and also so similar and I feel more connected to others just by the experience of living with and being invited into being a part of another family.

      Although I’m sometimes sad I haven’t achieved owning a home at this point in my life, I am so thankful for my family and the cozy home that we have. After the past few years together it’s really hard to imagine not living with my roommates and I hope the future holds many years of friendship and chosen family for us.

      I wasn’t expecting this to be where my morning thoughts went. I didn’t have any specific subject in mind to write about today so it feels good to have taken a moment to look at something so personal.

      Stay curious!

    • Evening Thoughts-Community Struggles

      Something different today with some evening thoughts that have been brewing all day.

      It’s been a beautiful fall day here but the coldest yet with a chance of flurries overnight, which I am definitely not ready for. I’ve spent a portion of today reaching out to local groups looking for some support to a lovely homeless individual who has been frequenting my work this past month. I’m not sure where to go or how I can assist them at this point and it’s becoming disheartening.

      They’re looking for some financial aid or just a ride across a few states to get home to some family that can help them with a place to stay and get back on their feet. At this point I’m finding no resources available for someone in his situation past a certain age limit. They have a number of mental health issues that aren’t being addressed through local support networks and they are falling through the cracks of our flawed systems.

      It’s hard to believe that there are people out there with pretty much infinite finances but so low on empathy that they won’t do more to help those that are really struggling with nowhere to go and no way to do better until they receive treatments that will help them to do more for themselves. The current systems in place in my area are so overloaded that the volunteers running them can’t even get back to you in emergency situations let alone those that they decide are less pressing.

      I definitely understand wanting to take care of yourself and your family first but if you have the means to do more why do so many people choose not to? It’s sad and I hope as a society and on individual levels we can find ways to do better.

      I will continue my search for resources for this person and if that makes me a sucker or an empathetic fool I’m okay with that. If I can spend some of my free time working towards finding solutions for one individual hopefully there are more people out there doing the same and eventually we’ll work past these selfish, materialistic mindsets encouraged by society and work towards taking care of each other because we are all humans and our situations are often dictated by how we were raised and the situations our finances put us in, or the physical and mental disabilities that we do not have control over.

      The world is sad sometimes but I live every day thinking that there is hope and caring and with enough of it we will work past these issues that we’ve allowed to be an integral part of human society. It won’t be quick or painless and there will be ups and down but hopefully there are others around who are working one on one with someone struggling in their community to provide them with the opportunities that they may not be able to provide for themselves,

      I suppose this is a deep and multi-faceted conversation that could be addressed in so many ways. It’s difficult but important to make the world a better reflection of the positive qualities of us (humans) as a whole.

      If you have an suggestions for resources that may assist with this person and would be comfortable sharing them, please let me know.

      I will keep researching and reaching out until I find a solution for this person but I know after them there will be another. I won’t allow myself to become complacent if I have the ability to help, even if I don’t have the financial means, I can give my time and efforts and so can you.

      Stay curious and help your community!