I actually got some decent sleep last night! That was very needed but I’m struggling a bit this morning.
I was bit by a tick a couple of weeks ago and likely have lyme disease. It presented with a large bullseye rash and I visited a minute clinic for antibiotics. Thankfully I haven’t had any other symptoms than the rash but I’m still worried about the possibility of long term effects. I’ve only got two more days of antibiotics left so I’m trying to get a refill because I can’t afford another doctor visit. It would be a choice between that or a month + of therapy because I just don’t have the money. And if I chose the doctor visit then I would still have to wait a couple weeks to get enough money together which would be bad with possibly still having and infected rash. With my eating disorder I don’t need a lot of groceries but I know myself well enough to know that I might choose just not to eat for a couple weeks so I can do the doc appointment, and that’s not okay. Without being able to afford therapy then the decision to do that would be easier since I wouldn’t have the support necessary to work through those intrusive thoughts. I am already the smallest I’ve ever been since childhood and it’s not healthy.
I just don’t know what to do in a situation like this. Healthcare is unattainable here and I don’t have finances for both physical and mental health. Even mental health I’m only doing the bare minimum since I can’t afford psychiatry and my bipolar meds and regular blood testing required with that medication. Thankfully my therapist does my weekly sessions at an extreme discount out of the kindness of their heart but even that doesn’t allow me to pursue any other healthcare. I haven’t had a regular check up in over 15 years and the few doctor visits I’ve done are only in cases of extreme illness.
Thankfully my son has insurance through his dad’s employer so he always has access to what he needs but I feel bad that I can’t guarantee my health to be there for him too. With this unexpected health event my brain is running in circles of what to prioritize and financials are already stretched to the max with just monthly bills and groceries cost double what they did a couple years ago. Ugh. I just don’t know how anyone lives comfortably with everything like this.
Someday I’d just like the be able to pay monthly bills, buy groceries, have reliable transportation, and take care of my health. It’s just not an attainable goal right now even working full time and living extremely frugally. I have generally good physical health, excellent credit, and an overall happy life but I’d still like the comfort of basic needs being met. It feels like a lot to ask for with the world the way it is currently and I know there’s a lot of people out there going through these struggles which is very sad.
I guess there’s not a lot of positivity to leave this on a good note today but I hope everyone with these struggles is able to work through it and I hope to do so too. Stay curious!
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